Home Sweet Home

It is SO GOOD to be home!!! We made it home on Saturday night right on time - perhaps a little early.

We are all very tired and very overwhelmed. The girls are doing well, considering.

EasternStar was a champ on the plane. She actually cried harder in the car on the way to the airport in Moscow than she did on the plane. She had her own seat - which was a God-send! - and she was great for 9 out of the 10.5 hours on the first plane. She slept for about 1.5 hours (total!!) on the first leg of the journey and she cried for about 1.5 hours. We learned that a diet of mostly bread and crackers gives her a lot of gas. And poop. She pooped four times on the plane. A record for us! 8 )

We were all very happy to land in Dulles (about 30 minutes early!) and to make it through passport control and customs. She was a bit too tired and hungry to fully appreciate getting the stamp on her passport, but I know that she is happy to be stamped a citizen. We picked up our luggage with no problems and made it back through security in record time. We had about 1.5 hours to wait for our flight home. We enjoyed some nuggest (from Wendy's this time) and some pizza while we waited. We felt very lucky that our plane home took off early. There were four or five flights going out of our gate at around the same time and the other flights were delayed for either mechanical issues or because the planes had not arrived yet. We actually took off a little early for home. Yay!

Stranger and EasternStar slept most of the hour flight home, and EasternStar stayed sleeping through landing, being put in the stroller, meeting her big sister, being put in the carseat, and driving home. She woke up long enough to put on her jammies and then went right back to sleep. Until 3:45 am. For some reason all of us woke up around 3:45 am on Sunday so we had some breakfast and then went back to bed for a few hours.

EasternStar is slowly getting used to our house and to TinyDancer. She likes our black dog but she is terrified of our red dog.

TinyDancer is slowly getting used to having to share Daddy. There is never enough Daddy to go around it seems. It doesn't help that she was sick all day yesterday. She seems to feel better today though.

Hopefully there will be some sleeping today and I'll be able to locate our camera cord. We've got some cute shots of the girls together.

Can't wait to get home!

It has been a L O N G two days here!

First - the Embassy interview - we went to the US Embassy on Wednesday afternoon to get EasternStar's Visa. The way it works is you drop off all of your paperwork the day before and you make an appointment to come back the next day at 2:00 to pick up your paperwork and Visa. So, at 2:00 we entered the Embassy and followed the signs - and the other people with babies - to the adoption room. The room was hot and small and not very kid friendly. There were plastic chairs lining the walls and in rows in the center of the room. A great place to hang out with 15 other young kids for 90 minutes, right? First we went to the cashier to pay for the Visa and then we went to another window to put our name on the list.

The room was packed! It was awesome to see so many new families! You always here how hard Russian adoptions are getting and sometimes it feels like no one is getting anywhere. It was awesome to see so many families getting their dreams to come true. Most of the children were girls (!) and there were several that were right around EasternStars age (15 months). There was another group of children around the 20 - 24 month range and the cutest 3 year old! There were probaby 12 - 15 families there. I can't speak for the health of the other children, but everyone was very happy. For the first 20 minutes or so. And then the room got hot, and all of the children were missing their naps.....and everyone got (more than) a little cranky!

It is amazing how tied these kids are to their schedules. You can almost set your watch to it. 8:00 - breakfast. 10:00 - morning nap. The Embassy interview was right in the middle of EasternStar's afternoon nap and she *still* hasn't recovered. Hence, the L O N G days that we've been having. She is *so* tired but she will not sleep! 8 (

On Thursday and today we hung around the hotel and did some souviner shopping. There has been a music festival on Red Square everyday this week and today was the first day that we could get semi-close to St. Basil's to take the "required" picture of the child in front of it. I've already packed the camera and the cable, so I won't be able to post the picture until we get home.


Speaking of home, we are so ready to be there! We are tired of washing our clothes in the bathroom sink and our tummies are sick of eating restaurant food. We miss our own beds and our washing machine and our fridge with nice cold water. Of course, we also miss TinyDancer and our two puppies - that goes without saying. I wish that I could go to sleep and wake up on Sunday morning in my own bed! I hope that our flights tomorrow go quickly and smoothly. We only have 2 hours from touchdown to take off to make it through customs, etc in Dulles. Wish us luck!!

Dear french fry,

Dear french fry,

We just met, but I love you already!



We headed to McDonald's for breakfast today. Of course, by the time we got there, it was 10:05 and they were serving lunch. 8 ) EasternStar was introduced to the glory of the chicken nugget and the frency fry.

We're off to the US Embassy in a few minutes so that EasternStar can get her Visa. She will enter the US on a Russian passport and as soon as she touches US soil she will be a citizen. Yay!!


On a side note - we are totally out of apples and cinnamon oatmeal. A word of warning - if you hear screams of bloody murder from the east around 1:30 am ET tonight - don't worry - It is just EasternStar discovering that all we have left is regular oatmeal. We've been though so much as parents that there is little that I fear. I fear tomorrow morning! 8 ) We may need to send up some flares for backup support. Or skip the country early and be met at the airport with a bowl of hot and steamy apples and cinnamon oatmeal! 8 )

A taste of home

Another day down here!

We met another family that also adopted a little girl from Tymen. We actually met them in Tyumen, but we weren't able to meet up until today. Their daughter is 4 days older than EasternStar and their daughter looks exactly like her dad! It is amazing that the MOE there took such care to match up the girls with families that looked like them - and even match their personalities to their families!

The six of us walked down to Red Square today. We were all hungry when we arrived so we had lunch at the S'barro off of Alexander's Garden. EasternStar ate her weight in meatballs from the buffet. It was nice to see her eat something that wasn't carbs or yogurt! 8 )

After lunch, the girls decided that they had had enough, so we had to head back to the hotel for naps. We are probably the only people that walk to Red Square and don't actually *get* to see the square! 8 )

As we were leaving, we spotted an underground grocery store. We stopped in to get some more juice and we spotted these treasures:

Salami

Sliced cheese

Pretzels

Queso

Nacho chips

We excitedly went back to the hotel and after a nice long nap, we feasted on our salami and cheese sandwiches and chips and queso for dinner. Here is our makeshift double boiler to heat up our queso - coffee mugs filled with boiling water and the juice glasses from our hotel room:

Almost warm Queso

And what did EasternStar think of all of these shenanigans? She just laughed and laughed!

One more day closer to home!

First, the good stuff - Pictures!!!!

All dressed and ready to leave the orphanage.

Leaving for the last time.

The three of us by the flowers in her playground.

Our three coats hanging up together for the first time!

First time at a restaurant!

Practicing using her fork. Bring on the ground meat!

We woke up to another beautiful day here in Moscow! It is supposed to be sunny and 73 F today with only a slight chance of rain.

EasternStar is doing great! We are learning her cues for tired and hungry and "I like you guys, but I need some alone time". She had only cried a few times - the first night she got stuck in her crib and as soon as I picked her up she fell right back asleep and then she cried when she woke up this morning. After being picked up she was all smiles again!

We are also learning what she likes and what she doesn't like to eat. On the like list: strawberry yogurt, apple yogurt, mashed potatoes, ground beef, apples & cinnamon oatmeal, fish fingers (which appear to be like our fish sticks only made with salmon), brown bread.

On the revolting list: bananas, applesauce, tortillas, ham, Gerber apples and chicken dinner, something that we thought was cottage cheese called Kawa but turned out to be one big giant curd with raspberries in it.

On the still considering list: warm milk, cold milk, white grape juice, water, blueberry yogurt.

We are not used to having a child that falls alseep on their own! TinyDancer isn't what you would call a "sleeper" and she has always needed some assistance to fall asleep. So far, EasternStar prefers to be left alone to sleep - and then she sleeps for a long time! Last night she was out for 12.5 hours! We could get used to that!

She has started to become a little more active. She likes to roll around on the bed and to sit up on the bed and then throw herself backwards. That always gets a big laugh! She has also discovered the fun game "throw this on the floor and have mom or dad pick it up over and over and over". That also gets big laughs and smiles.

So far she is very happy 95% of the time. She'll be fine and then kind of look around and suck her thumb and rub her head and rock. After a few minutes she is fine again. That is all part of the process I'm sure.

We spoke to TinyDancer via Skype for about an hour yesterday. She loves to hear her voice. I can't wait for them to meet! If the schedule holds - and it should - we will be home on Saturday! Yay!!!

It's a beautiful day in Moscow

Hi there, this is Stranger. It's my first time blogging so bear with me. : )
The girls are upstairs taking a nap, it has been a busy morning. We woke up at 5 am our time to get to the airport on time. EasternStar woke up with a big smile on her face and an attitude that she was ready for adventure. She did great on her first plane ride. She was so tired, but refused to sleep. She cried a little about an hour in, but after having a little snack and a drink, she was happy to sit and read the safety pamphlet. No seriously, she sat there and looked at it as if she was reading it for at least 15-20 minutes. Then she decided it was more fun to use it to play peek-a-boo with me.
It is a beautiful day here in Moscow. Sunny and about 70 degrees. Our Moscow coordinator has also told us that this is "Moscow City Day" weekend. It's an annual holiday where they shut down streets all over downtown, and set up stages with performances all over town. We may go check it out later, and if so, will have more stories, I'm sure.
We get a little down time for the first time since we got to Russia. We have the rest of today and all day Sunday, and then on Monday morning it is off for EasternStar's medical exam.
Will keep you all posted with what we get up to! :)

Introducing............

Introducing EasternStar!

Born in Tyumen, Russia on May 30, 2008
Joined our family on September 3, 2009

Welcome to the family sweet baby!!!



Court Day - Holding her favorite blocks


Court Day - Love those yellow pants!

It has been such a wonderful day!

But not with our classic moments! As we were getting ready to leave, I realized that I forgot something in the room so I took the elevator up to our room to get it. As I was going up, the power in the hotel went out for a few seconds. There has been something going on in the city that has been affecting the power. It didn't affect us until today. I was stuck on the 4th floor for a few minutes and then the elevator went down to 3. Finally I made it up to 9 and to our room.

We picked up EasternStar right around 12. First we met with the orphanage director and all of our gifts. We had five huge bags of clothes, 50 toothbrushes, some formula and some cash. They are remodeling EasternStars building and they will use the money for the remodeling. Then we gave her her gift and the gifts for the nannies. Then it was off to her group house! She had just finished lunch and going potty and they brought her out to us wrapped in a towel - Naked as the day she was born! 8 ) We dressed her and said our goodbyes to the nannies. And we were off! It was so emotional - I know we will give her a better life - but it is sad that she is leaving the only place that she has ever known.

We returned to the hotel around 1 and she was tired (it was nap time) but she was too excited to sleep. We goofed off with her until around 2 and she and I passed out. Stranger left at 3 to go and see if her passport was done. We weren't sure if it would be - a 1 day turn around would be unusual and the passport office had been without power for 2 days. Through a miracle from God - EasternStar's passport was ready! Our translator heard some people talking that the office is closing until Wednesday - so if we hadn't gotten the passport today - we would have been here until at least the middle of next week! We are so blessed! So Stranger and our driver and translator went to the ticket office and changed our flight tickets. We are headed to Moscow tomorrow morning. Very early!!!

Stranger got back around 5 and woke us up! That was a long nap!!

Then we talked to TinyDancer for a bit and to Granny and Paw Paw for a bit. And then we were starving (no lunch!) so we went downstairs for dinner. It was delicious! And EasternStar is a great eater! She had a snack of yogurt and Teddy Grahams at 5 and then at dinner she had some bread, some mashed potatoes, ground meat, and milk. I gave her some of my dinner but she didn't like it and spit it out. 8 )

We came back and started packing and EasternStar was getting tired. We did her bath and got her ready for bed. But she was again to excited to sleep. So she watched us pack and finally fell asleep around 10:15. Way past her bed time!

She has been awesome! She has not cried - or made any sound really - all day! We have gotten her to giggle at little since dinner - but not too much. We have gotten lots of smiles and kisses though.

She is not very active yet. She is used to sitting still I think. She can crawl when motivated properly - like for a Teddy Graham. She can walk a little with support - again - if motivated properly. She and I walked from the bed to the bathroom. She heard Stranger running her bath water and wanted to see what all of the noise was about! And she can walk around the bed - using the bed for support - again - if properly motivated (Teddy Grahams again). Hmmm....motivated by food ....... loves to be naked ....... she is going to fit in just fine at our house!!

We have to get up at 5am to start getting ready and to leave in time for our flight - I think it leaves at 7:30 am.

More from Moscow!

Random funny things that have happened on our trip so far

So, what would a vacation - especially a vacation for us - be without a few humerous moments? Here are a few that we've experienced so far:

- When we landed in Dulles we realized that we (I) had forgotten to pack our Russian-English dictionary and our Moscow travel guides. That was awesome because we have awesome Russian-speaking skills! 8 ) So Stranger wandered around the airport and into 2 bookstores. The first had nothing and the second had a nice selection of dictionaries, but he didn't see a Russian one of the shelf. He asked the clerk if there were any in the back. The clerk went to the shelf, scratched his head, and offered him a Spanish dictionary instead. Because, they are basically the same, right? 8 )

- On Sunday afternoon, we did a little exploring of Moscow. As we were walking down the street, this big group of teenagers swarmed around us - not in a bad way - they just surrounded us and for a while we were blocked on all sides in their group. There were wearing shirts with the symbol for "boy" and the symbol for "girl" on it and they had kazoos and one boy had a snare drum. They were making noise and cheering and playing their kazoos. Then, as suddenly as they appeared, they turned the corner and disappeared. We have no idea what their "parade" was about. But we got this nice picture as we were all waiting to cross the street:

- We found a bookstore and managed to pantomime "Do you have a Russian - English dictionary?" We got one - but it is meant for a Russian speaking person, so all of the pronuciations use the phonetic sound of the letters in the Cryllic alphabet, and pronounce the English words, not the Russian words. Which helps me none, but at least I can point.

- We found a nice coffee shop in Moscow that has good (and cheap!) paninis. Except the second time we went there, the panini machine was broken and our waiter didn't speak enough English to tell us that. I offered him my dictionary, but there was no phrase for "Our panini machine is broken but we can heat your sandwich up in the oven in you like", so he had to get another customer to explain to us.

I have to say how impressed I am with the people here. If they are trying to ask us something and we clearly don't understand - they try hard to get their point across or they find someone to help them. I don't think that as a culture, most people would do that in the US. I think they would just shrug and go on about their business.

- We had lunch at a different coffee house and I was excited to see hot chocolate on the menu. I happily ordered it but was confused by the result. I was given a coffee cup of liquid chocolate and a cup of milk. Huh? Do you add the chocolate to the milk? The milk to the chocolate cup? The chocolate looked and tasted like a big cup of melted chocolate chips. It was sweet!! I had to laugh and ask the waiter what to do. You are supposed to sip the cup of chocolate and then drink the milk (or you can get water) to unsweeten your mouth. I couldn't even finish it!

- As if we hadn't had enough trouble getting our medicals done and getting out of Moscow, on our way to the airport to catch our Tyumen to Moscow flight, our driver's car broke down. Luckily we were very close to the train station and we were able to catch an express train that dropped us off right next to the ticket counter.

- I won't even mention the codine-laced tylenol that I took and caused so much trouble! 8 ) (It is almost funny now.)

Oh, our estimated travel dates are - Leave Tyumen on Tuesday (9/8) and leave for home next Saturday (9/12). We have the adoption certificate and new birth certificates and we are just waiting on her passport. The passport has to be issued in the Region where the adoption takes place so we're here until we get it. In Moscow we have to do her Embassy medical exam, an interview at the Embassy, and then register her at the Russian consulate. I think that all of that takes 3 days or so. Luckily, the hard and stressful stuff is over, the rest is just paperwork - and our coordinators do it for us. We just have to show up and sign stuff. Yay!

Second Visit

First - Thank you to everyone for all of the sweet comments! We are so blessed!


Yesterday afternoon we spent about 2.5 hours with EasternStar. When we got there, she was in the groups playpen. As soon as she spotted us, she started crying, turned around, and started crawling away. At least she remembered us! 8 )

We picked her up and after a few minutes she was fine. We even got some smiles, giggles, AND I got some kisses!! So sweet!

We played inside for a while and then we went outside for a walk around the grounds. It was starting to get cool so we went back inside and we (I) fed her dinner and then it was time to go.

It will be fun to get her home today. I think we have another naked-loving dare devil on our hands. We changed her out of her shirt and into the clothes that we brought to try them on. As soon as her top was off she broke into a huge grin and giggled. And she has a very ticklish tummy! And she loves to sit in your lap and be tipped back. And she LOVED when the stroller hit big bumps on the grounds and she was jostled. I can't wait to see the trouble that she and our neighbor's daughter N are going to get into!

Pics coming as soon as we get back to the hotel this afternoon (the middle of the night at home)!

Good News ............................ and MORE GOOD NEWS!!!!!!

We had another night of fitful sleep last night. We were up late practicing our speeches for court and then we woke up at 1 am our time and could not go back to sleep. Finally around 4 am we fell back asleep until 8 am. Yay for sleep!

Then it was time to get up and start getting ready for court. We once again ate breakfast in the hotel restaurant - nothing too exciting today (sorry Heather - no fish balls yet! 8 ) ).

We walked to the courthouse from our hotel and were there in plenty of time for our 10 am appointment. We got started a few minutes late. Stranger was the lucky one that got to do most of the talking. He started right off with an awesome speach giving the reasons why the court should waive the 10 day waiting period so that we can get EasternStar home asap to see her doctor.

We were asked questions for about 40 minutes or so and then the doctor from the orphanage spoke, then the representative from the ministry of education, and then the city prosocutor. After an hour we were finally done.

The judge weighed her decision for 10 or 15 minutes and then returned with her verdict. And she announced that .........


Our petition was granted! We're parents again!!!!

and........

Her decision is immediate!

Meaning, that the 10 day waiting peroid is waived so we can start our journey home as soon as we have EasternStar's new birth certificate, adoption certificate, and passport. Our coordinator is running around getting the appropriate paperwork this afternoon while we go to visit EasternStar.

We were given the choice as to when to pick her up. We are going to visit her this afternoon and hopefully she will feel better about us when we leave. Then we will return tomorrow morning to pick her up!


Yay! To celebrate, we had celebration peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in our room. And a selection of Russian potato chips. Guess who was in charge of what when we went to the supermarket? 8 )


Once we have her in our custody we can post pictures!

Made it to Tyumen!

We made it to our final stop today. Yay!

We were able to see EasternStar for a little while. She was not too happy to see us. 8 ( She cried much longer when I picked her up this time. Just a few minutes after we met her, we took her out to get her passport photo taken. Nothing like having some strangers take you out into the busy city! 8 )

She cried a lot - but it was also pretty close to her meal time. By the time we got the photo and left, she was starving! We didn't get back to the orphanage until 15 minutes after her meal time. Fifteen minutes is forever when your tiny tummy is growling! 8 ( She ate her meal and then was happy. 8 )

I'm sure that tomorrow will go better!


We're prepping our speeches for court tomorrow. We'll let you know how it goes!

Another milestone met!

Whew! It has been a stressful 24 hours. Thankfully all is well now, but for a while there, we didn't know what was going to happen to us.

We were cruising through our 8 doctor medical exams when everything came to a screeching halt when we got the results of my drug screen. Yup. Me. I failed it. Me. The girl who drinks maybe three or four drinks a YEAR tested positive for opiates. Seriously? You've got to be kidding!

We managed to trace the source - I forgot to pack our Tylenol and I woke up with a headache yesterday morning. I knew that I couldn't take the shenenigans that is the 8 doctor medical exam with a pounding head so we went to the pharmacy to get some Tylenol. We talked to the pharmacist and he gave me a box. We didn't even think to check the ingredients for any other drugs since back home you need a prescription for anything other than Tylenol. However here, you can buy Tylenol with codine in it right off of the shelf! I took 2 pills 1 hour before we left for our exam. Crap!

Of course, this has NEVER happened to anyone before. So, we were sent home last night with instructions to return today to repeat my test. They didn't know what would happen if it was still positive, since this has never happened before.

Luckily, I drank about 4 L of water and managed to flush them out of my system. My test today was negative and I passed the doctor's (a narcologist) exam (kind of like a sobriety test). Of course now we are being monitored by the FBI for all of our frantic research yesterday from a Russian IP address - googling "how to get codine out of your system" "what is the fastest way to get codiene out of your system" "how to pass a drug screen". LOL

All is well now and our papers are signed and ready to go!

Tomorrow morning we head to Tyumen and we should get to see EasternStar for a little bit. Yay!

We will have internet access in our hotel room in Tyumen so it will be easier to keep the blog updated once we get there.


Good night!

Destination Moscow - Check!

We made it to our second stop - Moscow!

We arrived in the wee hours of the morning (04:00 Eastern Time) but it was 11:00 am or so Moscow time. The flight over was as comfy as a 10 hour flight can be. Our original seats were not together (who do we know that that happened to too 8 ) ) but when we checked in for our flight, Stranger managed to get us seats together - in the emergency exit row in economy plus! We got all of the extra leg room that goes with the exit row plus five extra inches of leg room for being in economy plus. We each managed to sleep about 1.5 hours. But, the movies were pretty good so at least we were entertained......tired......but entertained.

We made it though passport control without incident and all 4 of our bags made it as well. Yay! We sailed through customs and our driver was waiting for us.

So far everything is going so perfectly! I keep pinching myself - I can't believe that we are here! I can't believe that we are going to see EasternStar in three days.

Tomorrow morning we have free time and then in the afternoon we do the (dreaded) 8 doctor medical exams.

Tonight we are off to do some more exploring and to have dinner. We're hoping the Dannon store is open this late on a Sunday. 8 )

Oh, and a bonus - we don't have to buy Stranger a new coat and mittens - it is a cloudy 70 degrees! 8 )

Chilling in DC

We made it to our first destination!

Stranger has declared this a "splendid" trip so far because:
1. We made it to the airport 2 hours early
2. We did some quick rearranging of our checked bags and saved ourselves $125. One of our bags was 7.5 lbs overweight and we thought that the charge would only be $25. $25 we were willing to part with. $125.....not so much!
3. He got to have meat stuffed pizza for breakfast
4. Our plane left on time ...... so that ....
5. We have a long layover instead of having to sprint through the airport again
and
6. They gave us the *entire* can of coke on the flight instead of just pouring us one glass
7. United serves "premium snack mix" with the little sesame sticks that he likes


He is a bit miffed though, that:
1. We did not do a Top Gun style flyover past the Washington Monument
and
2. www.wunderground.com is reporting that the weather in Moscow is 30F even though the weather has been in the 60s for the past few weeks. We figure that either
a) it is really 30C (82F) in which case he is annoyed because it will be hot
or
b) we are going to be really cold when we get there! 8 )
I told him that if it is cold, I'll buy him a hat and gloves but he has to wear them on the flight to Tyumen because our luggage is PACKED and nothing else will fit in it. Even if it is "wafer thin".



** side note to our awesome neighbors - TinyDancer will be staying at home and I'm sure that Grandma and Grandpa would love some help - thank you Heather. Grandma has threatened to post a white flag in the kitchen window when she needs help. 8 )

Ready......Set........GO!

And we're off!

Sort of.

We're in the airport waiting for our fist plane to take off. We're off to Dulles and then we head to Moscow.

I can't believe that we are sitting here!

Trip preparations!

Visas = Done!

Hotel reservations = Done!

Tickets = Done! (after some shenigans from the Russian airline that we are flying from Moscow to Tyumen!)

Packing = no where near done!! 8 )

Girls gone shoppping!

TinyDancer and I could not hold out any longer and we succumbed to our urge to go shopping for EasternStar. Today we bought some onesies, pants, jammies, and a wind suit for EasternStar. We decided to go with the 18month size because there wasn't much difference between the 12 month and the 18 month size. It was so much fun! TinyDancer is a great shopper! TinyDancer was sad because we couldn't find any matching outfits for them. Give it time I told her - we'll find some. Or we can make some.

It's a good thing that we went shopping because this afternoon as I was doing laundry our agency called and WE HAVE A COURT DATE! We're frantically gathering some last minute paperwork for our agency (that has to be there on Monday (naturally!) and getting tickets and visas. Once we have a departure date I'll let you know. Court is on Sept. 3 - we see EasternStar again the day before. I can't wait to see my daughter again!!!

We have a nursery

We finished EasternStar's room over the weekend. We have a few things left to do - decide if we want to hang a shelf for her stuffed animals, get out the cloth diapers from the diaper box in the basement, and get out her clothes. Other than that, it's all ready!

Her room from the doorway.

From the other side of the doorway.

The picture above the rocking chair.

We picked up this painting last fall at an auction for the International Adoption Clinic at the hospital where we work.

Her books and toys.

One of the many pictures TinyDancer has drawn.

I think that TinyDancer is the one of the left and EasternStar is the one of the right.

The nook with the dresser/changing table.

You can see the presents from my shower too! 8 )

Her hamper is already full of dirty clothes! 8 )

These are stuffed animals that need to get washed.

Some pictures that we (Stranger) made.

We had a boarder in TinyDancer's room in our house in Texas. We don't have enough of the boarder left to do another room and they don't sell it anymore. We settled for some framed art.

Her light switch.

Cute!

The other side of the room.

The box is full of things for us to take on our trip (gifts, donations, etc).

Nerves

Stranger and I don't talk about it - but I think that we both feel it. I sure feel it. It's nerves. We're nervous.

Nervous that something will go wrong with the adoption. Nervous that we'll lose EasternStar. I think that every adoptive parent feels this way and it's probably heightened for us because of the timing. Or maybe we just think that we're special because of the path that we've taken to get here.

We just started to feel comfortable enough to start working on her room. The same room. It's been difficult for Stranger to work up there. He painted that room for SleepingAngel. It's green - the perfect shade of green - not to dark - not to light - not too minty. Perfect. Even before she died, we had decided that if we ever got lucky enough to have another child that we would not paint the room. We can't. What color would we use? TinyDancer's room in purple, the bathroom up there is sky blue, the hallway is orange sherbert, the living room is a moss green, the dining room is red, the kitchen is brownish-tan, the office is also green, the downstairs bathroom is dark blue, our room is yellow. It sounds like we live inside a rainbow, huh? 8 ) Anyway, it's the perfect shade of green.

We are using the same bedding that TinyDancer used and that SleepingAngel used. There is comfort knowing that all of our girls will sleep on the same sheets.

We hung the curtains this week. That was like so many things on this path of grief.....odd.....painful.....comforting. My mom and I bought the material to make curtains for SleepingAngel. We had just started them on a Saturday and we found out that there was a problem the next Thursday. I was in the hospital so all attempts to work on them were halted. Then I was home, but mom was carting me to the doctor twice a week so it's not like we could work on them then. And then she was gone. Do you know how hard it is to work on something for your dead child? And so they sat for almost 2 years. Mom got them out a few weeks ago and the project started again. We worked on them and finished them last weekend. It was hard.


It is hard not to see parallels between what happened with SleepingAngel and where we are with the adoption. With SleepingAngel, we were still smarting from two very early miscarriages. We had an ultrasound toward the end of June showing that she was a girl and that she was healthy. Right. Both of her kidneys were there at that time and the placenta was doing all of the work so the cysts hadn't started killing them yet. It wasn't until the end of July that we let ourselves start to get excited. We had just bought the paint for the room. We had just started getting ready.....mom and I started on the curtains....Stranger was going to start painting the room..... and then .... It was 2 years ago today that we learned that there was a problem - that something wasn't right with SleepingAngel. It would be a week or so before we found out what the problem was - but 2 years ago.

And here we are again - hopeful - scared - getting a room ready - setting up a bed and hoping that there will be a child to fill it .....hopeful that EasternStar will be home soon. Maybe September?


If something goes wrong.......
How will we cope? How will we explain this to TinyDancer? I can't do that to her again. I feel as though we've made her a promise - the promise of a sibling - and as of yet we haven't delivered. How can you make a promise to your child and then not have it come true? And she is SO excited. She chatters about how they will grow up and be "best friends". And she has PLANS for them -
How when EasternStar gets home, she will show her where the butter goes (it is TinyDancer's job to set the silverware on the table and to put the butter on the table and then back in the fridge after dinner. TinyDancer will retain the table setting job (because EasternStar will be too little to walk with butter knives (her words)) and upgrade to bringing the plates from table to the counter after dinner).
How she'll sit next to her and pick up her fork if she drops it.
How she'll show her how to mix the pancake batter and give her a turn stirring.
She'll show her how to use all of her new toys.
She'll check on her at night when she cries and tell her that it is ok and then come and get us. She's already moved her stool into EasternStars room and put it right next to her crib.
How she'll hold the washcloth over her eyes so that the shampoo doesn't get in her hair in the bathtub.
The headbands and hair clips that she's going to give her because they are too small for her.
The books she's going to read to her.
The games that they'll play.
In all of her artwork there are 4 of us. With a letter over our heads to indicate who is who. SleepingAngel is never there anymore. It is EasternStar. She's started drawing pictures for her and hanging them up in her room.
How they'll live together when they are BIG PEOPLE and take turns driving the car.
Ugh!

Please don't think that I'm obsessing about this - or over thinking it. This IS a journal of sorts- and sometimes you need to write it out to let it go.....

We're probably just supersensitive because of the timing. But still... umm...... I don't think I'll be checking my email this week!

More waiting

The wait continues.
The whole adoption process is so odd - you work so hard to get paperwork together and then you mail it off - and it goes off into some random place where it floats around and you have no idea where it is or what is being done with it. And then one day, either your paper comes back to you and you go on to the next step. Or you get a call that says that your paper is wrong and you need to fix it...... Or you get a call with a referral or a court date. We're just wondering....where are our papers? And what is being done with them? When will we get THE CALL???

I found this poem on a fellow Russian adoptive parent's blog. (http://verduin.blogspot.com/). I'm so thankful that she shared this!

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply."
Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign."
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.
"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."