Long time no see

I had completely forgotten about this blog until a friend made a comment on a Facebook post of mine.  And then I remembered.  I remember it was so ..... calming ? .... fulfilling?  .... rewarding?  ..... it was some nice feeling that I can’t name .... to document our adoption journey and the time after EasternStar came home.  Maybe it’s time to res erect this thing. 

I feel the pulling to do something.  Sometimes I think it’s a calling to go back to work.  To have a purpose beyond the redundancy that is this house and it’s dust and dishes and dog hair.  And then I think of the logistics and I just laugh.  Maybe it’s a calling to go back to school so when the next does start to empty out I can start a new path.  And then I think of the logistics and I start to laugh.  Though not has hard.  A class or two might be doable.  Maybe it’s a calling to just channel some energy into something that is just for my enjoyment but doesn’t take up as much space/ materials as crafting.  We’ll see.  

I feel like the last few years have just been about trying to make it through the day.  Survival.  Living in crisis mode. You know, like after you’ve just had a baby and you are sore and sleep deprived and your hormones and emotions are rollercoastering through highs and lows and you don’t quite know how to handle it all?  

Like every morning you are sleeping peacefully in your bed but your bed is really a cannon and unbeknownst to you someone lights the cannon and you go from innocent slumber to flying through the air and you have no idea if you put on a parachute before you went to bed.  Or what direction you are going.  Do you have a parachute?  Even if you do, will it open?  Are you going to sail safely to the ground?  Will anyone be there to help you fold up your parachute and give you a ride back to town?  Will you be all alone with no supplies? 

Are you going to splat into a brick wall?  Like an egg.  Will you slowly slide down the wall after hitting it full force?  Broken and oozing with no hope of being put back together? Will you even see the wall coming or will it just appear out of no where?  

Which way is the cannon pointing?  Is it shooting you closer to where you are supposed to be?  Is it sending you backwards and you lose all of the ground you fought tooth and nail with bleeding fingertips to climb yesterday?  Is the wind going to blow with you and propel you even further down range?  Will you fight the wind the entire time? 

Like that. Only for like 10 years.