Secret

Stranger and I have a not-so-secret-anymore secret. I guess it is more me really:


We found out about this one just days before we left to pick up EasternStar. Literally, days.....as we were packing! For us, this is biological baby # 6. At first we were excited and a little freaked out. We left to pick up EasternStar expecting to miscarry this one since that is what happened in May. We were surprised and excited and terrified to come home and this one was still with us.

Each day, each week, we are still surprised and excited and terrified that this one is with us. We've made it to 25 weeks and so far everything is going well. We've (I've) had ultrasounds every 4 weeks and the baby looks great - the growth is right on track and so far all organs appear to be in tact.

We (I) haven't said anything on the blog mostly because we're terrified to think about it, much less talk about it. It was right about this time when I was pregnant with SleepingAngel that we were starting to feel "safe" - to get comfortable and excited and then everything went to hell in a handbasket. I don't know that we'll ever feel "safe" with this one. I guess that you could describe how we feel as a bit manic-deppressive. Sometimes we are excited to think about three little ones running around tearing up the house - and sometimes we are breathing into a paper bag, waiting for the other shoe to drop, sure that *something* is going to go wrong. It's an awfully long and lonely roller coaster ride!

This is why we are shuffling things around in our house soon. Despite or terror and wanting to just bury our heads in the sand and wait and see what happens in April, we're trying to be adults and prepare our children. TinyDancer had the option of having her own room or sharing a room with EasternStar and she wants to share a room and give the baby it's own room. So we are getting ready to start moving things around in TinyDancer's room and shuffling toys from her room to the basement playroom so that EasternStar can join her at the end of February. That will give EasternStar about 6 weeks in her new room before this one arrives. We're starting to purge and move toys around now because Stranger is going to get really busy in Feb and March (call every 3 days - yuck!) and this one should be here in the middle of April.


So far, this one hasn't shown us a gender yet. At each ultrasound "they" (I hate calling babies "it") has had their legs crossed and legs tucked up against their bottom. But, we still have a blog name - this one will is RainbowBaby. For those not from the "grief world" the definition of a rainbow baby is:

Rainbow Baby - "Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.
~Courtney
http://community.babycenter.com/journal/babymacksmom07/1410935/what_is_a_rainbow_baby


Please pray for this one and for us.